This has been an intense week, so it is nice to have a simple list to tackle.  Bolden, your Great Grandmother passed away on 1 October.  She was a great woman.  Ask me to tell you stories about her.

The list in no particular order: (States in BOLD indicate states I have lived in)

1. Louisiana
2. Mississippi
3. Alabama
4. Florida
5. Georgia
6. South Carolina
7. North Carolina
8. Tennessee
9. Kentucky
10. Ohio
11. Pennsylvania
12. New York
13. Massachusetts
14. Connecticut
15. New Jersey
16. Maryland
17. Illinois
18. Iowa
19. Missouri
20. Wisconsin
21. Arkansas
22. Oklahoma
23. Texas
24. New Mexico
25. Colorado
26. Utah
27. Nevada
28. California

I am preparing to travel to New Orleans to attend the funeral.  This will be the first time since you were born that I will be apart from you.  It will be interesting to observe the feelings that come from our separation.  I am glad that it is a short trip, so we will only have to skip one day of goofing around together.

Travel.
Experience other cultures and people.
The world is an amazing place.
See as much of it as possible.

The list:

1. Morocco
2. Cameroon
3. China (PRC)
4. Senegal
5. Canada
6. Bahamas

What is The List Project?

I can’t believe it’s been 3 months already…!  It has been a pleasure putting these lists together for Bolden.  Originally I felt that this would be a nice gift to give to him, but seems as if I am the one reaping wonderful benefits simply from going through the exercise.  The introspection and cues to remember have offered great teachings and reconnected me with great memories.

Bolden has really grown these past few weeks into having his own personality.  He has likes and dislikes, and he seems to be such a happy soul.  The past few days he has given us the gift of a few laughs and giggles which feel like a preview for his next stage of development.  Physically it is clear that he is growing as well.  Not just in size, but also in his interactions with the world.  He’s been exploring uses for his arms, hands, and fingers, as well working on the beginnings of rolling over.  So yes, we are doting parents, but what’s so wrong with that I ask…?

This is a tough list for me.  Fact is that I am not very location-centric.  Unless it’s particularly cold, or there are a lot of people around me, I can be quite happy just about anywhere.  Outside of going to work (which for the past 4 years and 2 months has been where I live) I rarely go anywhere, and when I do, it’s typically for practical purposes and not for entertainment.  I’m not trying to paint myself as a recluse here, I just typically reside in my thoughts and moving from place to place tends to disrupt my focus…

Now for the list:

1. The Himalayan Institute, Honesdale, PA
2. The Himalayan Institute Cameroon, West Africa
3. The Lake Travis area of Austin, TX
4. Dakar, Senegal, West Africa
5. Dallas, TX
6. New Orleans metro area, LA
7. Houston, TX (specifically, the galleria and Chinatown areas)
8. Anywhere with bright blue water (specifically the Bahamas)
9. Winter Park, CO
10. Anywhere with windy back country roads (must have access to a decent car for this to work)
11. Greater Chicago area, IL (specifically Lincoln Park neighborhood)

I’m sure that there are other places, so I will come back to this list when new places come to mind.

1. Fearfulness – The more I contemplate the nature of fear, the more convinced I become that it is the root of all evil.  Be confident.  Be fearless.
2. Lack of discipline – read this
3. Blind faith & obedience – nothing is more useless than blind faith.  If it cannot be proven or tested, it is probably bullshit.
4. Tardiness
5. Gossiping & nosiness – I hope you find nosy and gossipy people as annoying as I do
6. Secretive – There are some things to keep personal, and there are some things that require professional discretion.  But for everything else, why be so secretive?
7. Needy & overly complicated – keep it simple
8. Unnecessary complaining and any sort of whining
9. Inconsistency
10. Pointing out problems with no concept of potential solutions
11. Glad-handing – be kind, be charming, but not at the expense of being a liar.
12. Overly serious – have fun, add levity to situations, and definitely do not take yourself too seriously.
13. Disrespectful – it does not matter who.
14. Self-conscious – in the negative sense
15. Deceptive – if your word has no value, you will have difficult times.
16. Self centered – the world does not revolve around you.
17. Inability to admit defeats and regrets – you are going to make errors.  Be able to admit it.
18. Intolerance & inflexibility
19. Talking too much
20. Expecting others to listen to you – you have to earn the ear of others.
21. Expectations in general – most pain I observe in myself and others comes from unfair / unfulfilled expectations.
22. Unfairness & selfishness – be consistent, and considerate.
23. Unchecked pride – be confident, but not delusional.
24. Lack of emotional control – I can’t stress this enough…
25. Wet Blankets or a “Can’t Do” attitude – never let anyone tell you that it “can’t be done”
26. Dullness
27. Mean spirited – be kind to yourself and others
28. Irresponsibility
29. Attachment – learn to move past the past.
30. Pessimism & negativity
31. Inability to be reasoned with
32. Gullibility – but not at the expense of losing your sense of wonder.
33. Impatience
34. Prejudice – this goes WAY beyond racial issues.
35. {added 9/13/2010} Snobbishness - I cannot believe I left this off the initial list.  No matter how great or accomplished you become, there is no excuse for making a lesser person feel small…

Also, this week I found a video that I find applicable to this weeks and last weeks list.  At the most simple level it showcases great creativity, and exposes the need to be committed to ongoing learning, growth and transformation, as well as an ability to be detached from the past.

“The wise man knows that he knows nothing”   -Socrates

So here is the list, in no particular order, and in no way complete:

Like all other lists, I plan to revisit this at some point.  I am so excited to see which of these traits will be a part of you.

Now we are really in the thick of things…  The past 8 weeks have been fluff work compared to this list.  How to really approach this subject matter without doing some of the other lists first?  In order to land on a truly comprehensive list of actual people I admire it would be helpful to isolate the personality traits, accomplishments, etc that I admire first, and then begin to think of living examples of those characteristics.

That being said, I think I can make a list of people who stand out to me as people I admire, and why.  Perhaps it will help drive the future lists as well?  I also must apologize for the overdue / last minute nature of this list.  I was a bit selfish yesterday, and used what could of been some rare free time alone at home for a trip out to have some fun with Travis.

In no way can this list be complete, but here goes…

People I admire most:

• Your Mother (Briana Douzart) – For the constant inspiration, support, skillful containment of my traveling focus, and ability to be exactly what I need at any given moment.  Especially the fortitude to stand me down when I am dead wrong, which is not an easy task.  She is the perfect companion for me.  And also a GREAT mother to you!
• My parents – primarily for putting up with the difficult experience of getting me through my first 18 years.  A true testament to unconditional love, because I provided many conditions for which love could have ended…
• Pandit Rajmani Tigunait – Really difficult to express why in a sentence, but for me I feel that the most admirable trait from my teacher are those one-to-one moments when guidance is really needed.  He always has the right solution for the problem at hand.  And it’s always the practical, achievable type of solution.
• Father Wayne Rocha – My first spiritual teacher and mentor.  What a great mind and presence he had.  I will always appreciate how he helped me demystify spirituality.  A process which helped prepare me for this path that I have found today.
• Luke Ketterhagen -  The man is simply a beacon for how a normal American man should live.  All I have to do is sit with him to be reminded of how I can be a better person.
• Travis Head -  One of my best friends and favorite people.  What a great listener..  He’s also funny as hell!
• My Aunt Jeanette – For her wisdom at a time when all of the authority figures in my life were trying to convince me that I was on the wrong path.  Thanks to her perspective as a mother who experienced the growth and development of 7 of her own, she recognized my phase as what it was, a phase…
• Mike Eiermann - What a kind, compassionate, and hard-nosed business man all in one package.
• David Oreck - What an example of the American Dream.  Remind me to tell you stories of how he turned adversity into the ultimate opportunity.
• Tom Oreck – Tom is a philosopher in businessman clothing.  He took his father’s vision, and put it into such easy to understand and adopt language.  I admire his ability to create and foster a model corporate culture.
• Rolf Sovik – The Rolf I admire is this humble, impressive man who knows so much about his chosen field, but somehow manages to have an ability to connect with the “regular person” in all of us.
• Job (from the Bible) – Read the story.  I cannot improve upon, or add anything to it.
• St. Thomas the Apostle – Don’t buy into the idea that being a “doubting Thomas” is a bad thing.  I feel that Thomas was the brightest one of the bunch.  He had an opportunity to know something rather than feel obliged to simply believe something, and he took advantage of the opportunity.  Never let a believer make you feel ashamed for doubting.  It is natural, healthy, and ultimately leads to realization of truth.  Be a proud Doubting Thomas, just like your dad!
• Mother Theresa – Read her story Bolden, no better teacher of compassion, courage, and determination.
• Warren Buffet – The second wealthiest man in the world gave away nearly everything in the name of charity.  And what’s more, he inspired a few others to do something similar!  How can you not admire that?
• Barak Obama – For being what seems to be a politician with personal convictions, and not being afraid to speak to (and stick to) those convictions.  I’m not sure what sort of president he will wind up being, but it’s just refreshing to have a politician out there who backs up his controversial statements with confidence instead of political maneuvering.
• Steve Jobs – I do belive that things should “Just work” and that people should “Think Differently”.
• Seth Godin – What a great mind, and lucid writer.
• Gever Tully – Founder of the tinkering school.  Love the concept!  Kids should be put in dangerous situations.  Danger is a great teacher.
• Dale Merceron – Like a second father to me.  Has an amazing wit and was not afraid to use it on others.  I guess you could say that a lot of my sense of humor was formed from oddball experiences with Mr. Dale.  He is also a very endearing person.  If you don’t like Mr. Dale, there is something wrong with you.
• Bannyuy Justine – Of all of the many people I met in my travels to Cameroon, he was the only one who really understood what the work is all about.  I was proud to have him as a colleague, and am proud to have him as a friend.

Those are the big ones.  I will make a mental note to return to this list from time to time to add more people and thoughts in the moment.  For now, this presents a decent view of the sorts of personalities that I appreciate.  I am really interested to see what type of person you grow into, what your values will be, and where your path with lead you.

Random things that I enjoy…That’s a tough one…

Tough in the sense that I am not really sure what I meant when I added it to the list, but in the spirit of practicing what I preach when I say anything is possible (or get frustrated when someone tries to toss a wet blanket on an idea for one of any innumerable reasons), I will give it a go.

So with the exception of number one and number two below, these are in no particular order:

1. Spending time with you and your mother
2. Spending time alone
3. Coming up with a concept, and seeing that concept through to reality
4. A job well done
5. Learning about and exploring new technologies
6. Watching movies and good television shows
7. Having conversations with passionate people
8. Acting silly with fun loving people
9. Solving problems
10. Being a loyal friend
11. Reading blogs
12. Exploring uses of social media
13. Challenging peoples paradigms (I like to play devil’s advocate)
14. Working on something I’m passionate about
15. Teaching myself design techniques for the web
16. Teaching myself HTML and CSS techniques
17. Keeping up with viral videos
18. Transparency
19. Making popcorn (especially flavored popcorn)
20. Reading regular poetry in a slam poetry style for a giggle
21. Cooking in general (no recipes please)
22. Driving a little too fast on curvy roads
23. A good MMA fight
24. Any opportunity to have some decent veggie sushi
25. Making up some crazy song, and singing it to entertain your mom or just myself
26. Doing the dishes at the Institute.  It’s just nice to be able to start something and finish it in such a short amount of time.  Plus, it’s great community service!
27. Giving people my opinion, even when they don’t solicit it (this is stuff I enjoy right?)
28. Taking photos
29. Picking up new interests, learning a lot about them in a short amount of time, and the moving on to something else.
30. Reading a GREAT book
31. Listening to a GREAT story
32. Practicing hatha yoga and meditation (although I am on a holiday these past few years)
33. Making those people who I care about very proud

I hope this gives us some fodder for a nice chat some day.  You are really changing so much right now.  I cannot wait to see what sort of boy you turn out to be.  No matter what, I can tell that you are going to be a remarkable fellow.

What is The List Project?

I am going to need to call in a little guest editorial assistance on this one.  Certainly I think I know some of the things I did to make a positive impression on Briana, but who better to help tell the story than the woman herself:

About a year after we first met

Q:  “Briana, what do you recall me doing that got your attention, and ultimately led to your falling wildly in love with me”?

A:

1. “I was a 14 year old girl, so it was pretty simple.  You were cute, funny, smart, and respectful.”
2. “First time I saw you enter the room and you caught my eye.  You were tall and muscular with big beautiful broad shoulders and deliciously brown almond shaped eyes…”
3. “Throughout class you made funny witty comments.  The one I recall most was when the instructor asked for the meaning of a the sign for slippery when wet you raised your hand and stated that it clearly meant there were snakes following your car”



4. “During break times you were the only guy that showed interest in me that acted in a respectful manner.  You treated me like a normal person, and did not seem to have the desire to act in a ridiculous macho cheesy way.”
5. “In driver’s ed they broke us into groups.  No one in my group knew how to change the tire on a car (guys included).  You were working out in the football teams weight room at the time, and noticed we were going through that part of the class.  When you came out to chat with me and discovered our problem, you changed our tire so that we could get credit for the class, and also know how to do it ourselves in the future.”
6. “After we began seeing one another I realized that you were not just the street smart funny guy that I thought you were.  You had a ton of common sense, and a good logical outlook on life.”
7. “You were not only a loyal boyfriend, but you became my best friend always supporting me and giving great advice.”

So there you have it.

We were young when we met, and life was quite simple.  I am really glad that we found one another so early on.  As I grew up with friends I watched how every year brought more complication to the process of dating and finding a spouse.  I’m not saying you should just marry the first person you have feelings for, but at the same time, don’t spend you whole life looking for the perfect match either.  This perfect person theory is a unicorn.  Find someone that has characteristics that you appreciate, assess weather or not you can tolerate one another’s worst moments, decide if you are ready to make a commitment and then go for it.

p.s. this is what you look like right now:

Sweet 7 week old Bolden enjoying a lazy Sunday morning...

I read a lot of “other things”  in fact, many of these are my favorite things to read overall:

1. Fast Company
2. Wired
3. Seth Godin’s blog
4. Lifehacker.com
5. Gizmodo.com
6. Abduzeedo.com
7. ThingsIHaveLearnedInMyLife.com
8. The Himalayan Institute Humanitarian Blog
9. Engadget.com

Remind me to teach you how to use an RSS aggregator (or whatever the current technology of your time will be) at some point.  It is the best way to get fresh, independent content that is custom tailored to your interests.

Well , my favorite books is a tough one.  I’ve never really been as enchanted with books as some people that I know, but I do appreciate compelling stories, creativity, and knowledge a great deal I just have not made reading books for entertainment a habit.   That being said, if I read more than one book a year I would be surprised, or really passionate about growing a particular skill set.  It is also important to note that I do actually read a lot, just not books so much.  We will get into the other types of reading that I do next week.

The list, in no particular order:

• The Power of One – Bryce Courtenay
• The grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
• The Old Man & The Sea – Ernest Hemingway
• The Catcher in the Rye – J. D. Salinger
• Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
• Rework – Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson
• The One Minute Manager – Kenneth H. Blanchard and Spencer Johnson
• Who Moved My Cheese? – Spencer Johnson and Kenneth Blanchard
• Different – Youngme Moon
• The Tipping Point -Malcolm Gladwell
• Tribes – Seth Godin
• Loving What Is – Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell
• The Power of Mantra and the Mystery of Initiation – Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, PhD
• From Death to Birth – Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, PhD
• At the 11th hour – Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, PhD
• Good to Great – Jim Collins
• Guerrilla Marketing – Jay Conrad Levinson
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey
• How To Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie
• Jack: Straight from the Gut – Jack Welch and John A. Byrne
• Eat Mor Chikin: Inspire More People – S. Truett Cathy
• The Royal Path – Swami Rama
• Sh*t My Dad Says – Justin Halpern

P.S. – I encourage you to read, and explore anything that peaks your curiosity, but if you do decide to become a lover of literature, please do what you can to not rub it in everyone’s face…